| 09 August 2011
This post has been a long time coming. Most of you stopped being regular followers some time back...right around the same time that content petered out from a trickle to an intermittent drip. And now, the last drop.
It's been a good run--4+ years--with some really good times. With some musical accompaniment, let's take a look back.
In the beginning there was The Proverbial. Who was s/he? I have no idea. A faceless Deadspin commenter, who one day said, "Hey, is anyone here interested in starting a hockey blog?" He even had a ready-made name: Melt Your Face-Off. For a few of us who saw the inherent connection between hockey and dickjokes, it was a no-brainer. I was pretty pumped up about it. I even outlined via email to The Proverbial what I envisioned as my first offering for the site, an idea that later became this.
The Proverbial was never heard from again, fleeing from his brainchild in horror. Apparently, there are dickjokes and then there are dick jokes.
The rest of us soldiered on, chaotically. Over time, The MYFO Gang emerged--five of us who were carrying the content of the site. So, we appropriated it for ourselves, with a midnight password-changing and account-deleting flurry. A few words about them all, with more songs.
Weed Against Speed. You can still visit Weed over at his Sportress of Blogitude, where he continues to employ his trademark brand of deadpan humor, leavened with just the right amount of whimsy. Weed is such a great guy, that when he puts up a gallery of Michelle Wie, Maria Sharapova, or Larissa Riquelme photos, you know with absolute certainty that he is doing so in a very artistic and respectful way, and is definitely not rubbing one out. Weed and I were the two oldest Gang members, so none of his pop culture references was ever lost on me. Seinfeld has been off the air for 13 years now, a fact that I'm sure blows his mind as much as mine.
Raskolnikov. Rask was, to put it in politically correct terms, a fucking nutjob. His posts were often extremely intimidating to read, filled with references to German philosohpers and illustrated with bizarre cartoons. But then, just when I was ready to tune out, a hilarious masturbation joke would come along. Categorical imperative indeed! Meeting Rask in person, you would have no idea that he was functionally insane. And then his pupils would contract to pinpoints. "Heidegger, Heidegger, was a randy old goat/Who fucked all the dogs and slit their throats," he'd mutter. And you'd quickly find an excuse to be elsewhere. But it all worked out for him: he met a commenter, married her, and is currently tearing apart academia from the inside.
Reasonable Doubt. You can also visit Reasonable Doubt, on Twittter, which I highly encourage. If MYFO had been a rock band, RD was the lead singer, a true blogging rock star. With all of the rage-fueled charisma, and less of a heroin problem. I think. RD was responsible for the creation of MYFO's most enduring legacy, The Cocknocker character. That's why I gave him place of honor with the last "real" post on the site, just below. When RD decided to "spend more time with his family" (i.e., FC Tampa Bay) MYFO was like Ray Manzarek touring as the Doors. The songs were the same, and if you closed your eyes you could sort of imagine the way things used to be.
Hextall454. Aside from his love for the Flyers, Hex is a fine fellow. Hex and I shared the ultimate joke, in that we actually made money from doing this. Not a lot, I assure you, but still. So, haha, fuckos listed above! Hex was the nicest guy of us all, and I frequently apologized when I included him in some of our fictitious profane escapades. I often wondered how he could rationalize lining up his fake name next to our fake names on the masthead. I mean, Hex probably goes to church and stuff. It's a little known fact that Hex is also a model; his most famous work can be found here.
And me? Well, I live on on Twitter myself, having appropriated the MYFO name as my own. I also own the domain name rights, so if you were thinking of starting your own knockoff band (like all of the 30-something guys touring as the Temptations or the Platters), well, you can go fuck yourself. Or give me fifty bucks, whichever works better for you. I hope to occasionally write guest posts for classier hockeybloggers.
The site will stay up for a while, until the Bloguin guys figure out we're just taking up server space.
