| 05 August 2011
Some stories are too big to pass up. Given the events of this morning, MYFO Alum Reasonable Doubt asked to re-assume his role as King Cock Knocker for a guest post.
During my recent stint in jail, I had a long time to think. I considered my actions in the past. I ruminated on my actions this past season. I pondered my actions last night. Among those thoughts, I came to one conclusion.
I. AM. AWWWWWWWWESOME.
Okay, first off, here's the deal. This was a nice, quiet party with some girls who just happened to be in town from the South Florida Institute of Dance and wanted to demonstrate the techniques they were working on. I don't know what the problem was. If playing "Pour Some Sugar On Me" and having nubile young women gyrate on a metal pole is wrong, then I don't think I want to be right. I mean, this is still America, right? Land of the Free? Home of the Brave? I thought once Colin Campbell stepped down, we'd all be able to have a little more fun out of life? Was I wrong?
So just as Def Leppard started to loop around to the hook, there's a banging on the door. No one should ever get in the way of Joe Elliott's guitar riffs, so understandably, I was a little upset. So when I open up the door and see a cop there trying to break up the party, I think I had a right to be a little pissed off. So I did the only logical thing I could think of: I politely told the officer to fuck off. Sorry, strippers and whores trump the badge every fucking time. If you're going to interrupt this sort of party wearing a badge and a gun, it better be a pull-away uniform.
So in a town where Lindsey Lohan can stuff merchandise up her snatch every few weeks and never get locked up for it because she can suck the chrome off a trailer hitch, I get put in jail for being amazing. That's something that belongs in France or something, not here. If I had known I was going to be taken in, I would have done more than shove the cop. Fucking cock knocker.
Funny, though--I could have sworn I've seen that cop somewhere.
