| 01 September 2010
In an effort to gain a bit more fame and notoriety, as well as supplement their offseason income by $1500, the Blue Jackets' Marc Methot and Fedor Tyutin made a compilation DVD of sexual encounters with puck bunnies. It was very professionally produced. Including a commentary track. While MYFO was unwilling to pony up the cash for the actual video, we did give the boys $5.95 for a transcript of that commentary track. Portions of it are reproduced below.
Marc: Oh, man, where was this one? Chicago?
Fedor: Nyet, nyet. Dallas! Remember the hair?
Marc: Yeah, that girl could tease more than a cock! And look at her go, tossing your salad like a champ!
Fedor: Salad? I don't think so. Cucumber not come out until much later.
Marc: Hey, wait a minute, isn't that right before I came out of the bathroom, and...oh, God! I thought that taste was just the shitty room service pizza!
Fedor: Haha! Very funny joke! I tell her to kiss you!
Next scene
Marc: This is hilarious. Rusty didn't even know you had a camera until right...THERE! Damn, I wish he moved that fast on the ice!
Fedor: Fedor not be caught dead with girl that ugly.
Marc: Oh, I don't know, brother. I've got two words for you: San. Jose.
Fedor: This never happened, of which you speak.
Marc: Well, we'll see. At least Rusty's girl brought along a semi-cute friend for me to enjoy.
Fedor: You not enjoying all that much, it seems. Look like case of vodka dick. In Russia, we have expression: положить зефир в копилку
Marc: I don't know what that means, but I don't think I like it.
Next scene
Marc: (singing) Do you know the way to San Jose?
Fedor: What?! Where you get this? I destroy that memory card!
Marc: Backup camera, hidden in the closet! I knew you would deny this one! Boom, bitch!
Fedor: In my defense, lights in the hotel those crummy compacy fluorescents.
Marc: Dude, that girl is ugly in the DARK. And you're going after it like a puck in the corner.
Fedor: I have no defense for this.
Marc: Just like Patrick Marleau earlier that same evening!
Fedor: This is low blow.
Next scene
Fedor: Ah, the twins. In Vancouver, of course.
Marc: Canadian chicks are crazy, I'm telling you.
Fedor: I never have sex time with skates on before.
Marc: You're doing good with the balance, though.
Fedor: Your twin even more crazy. I cannot take my eyes off this.
Marc: I've seen a lot of biscuits in a lot of baskets, but this was just insane. How many pucks did she eventually get up there? Three?
Fedor: Four, I think. I had to turn off camera when skate slashed the mattress open.
Marc: Did the team get billed for that?
Fedor: I don't know. I flipped it over and put the sheets back on.
