| 25 October 2010
O HAI, Mr. magazine man! Ovie iz ready for interview! Ask me questions tough like Semin!
GQ: Well, first off, Alex, are you happy to be locked up long-term with the Capitals?
Washing Done iz best American city! Even though it iz a lie. Ovie's laundry not do itself! It's OK--I just buy more snazzy T-shirts!
GQ: What are the biggest differences you've found between North America and Russia?
Iz mostly the ladeez. American girls are like swords!
GQ: Excuse me?
Because they buffaloes! Hahahahaha!
GQ: Yes, we've noticed that you've pretty much exclusively dated Russian girls. Is it the common language and culture that attracts you?
No, is the skinny dippings. Russian girls dip lettuce in oil and vinegar; American girls dip chicken thighs in Ranch dressing! Russian girls use Stair Master; American girls use Stare Master--staring at boob tube! Hahahaha!
GQ: Well, it's true that Americans have a well-documented problem with obesity. Do you think you're being a little harsh on American women, some of whom are probably your fans?
If Ovie play in Russia; have twice as many fans. Because seats in arena half the size!
GQ: Could you imagine ever dating an American girl?
Ovie imagine this all the time.
GQ: Really? Who do you imagine?
Is always different, yet always same: Ovie wake up screaming, in cold sweat, from dream of suffocating between giant American cottage-cheese legs. True fax: Ovie can no longer eat cottage cheese. Even with delicious pineapples!
GQ: Is there any American girl you'd contemplate dating?
Greenie my buddy. He knows me good. He tells me there iz one American girl out there for me.
GQ: Who's that? Did he introduce you?
No, never meet her. Greenie say she's Irish girl. Anne O'Rexia. Maybe someday she come to Caps game, and Ovie score hat Trix for her!
