| 20 October 2010
Sure, it's a little dated. But I have many of my best ideas two weeks too late. You should see some of the perfect gifts I've gotten for the wife right around January 5. The above photo is of James Wiesniewski. No, I didn't select that one for any particular reason. Why?
SCENE: James Wiesniewski is sitting on his couch, alone. A large-screen TV is glowing in front of him. The sounds emanating from its speakers are mainly grunts of ecstasy. Suddenly, a key hits the lock on the apartment door. James scrambles for the remote, and desperately mashes buttons. In walks his roommate, Matt Moulson.
James: Hey, Moulsie! You're back early! Hahahaha. Thought you had a bunch of errands to run!
Matt: Yeah, I forgot my wallet...what in the blue blazes is THAT?
James: What?
Matt: On the TV. Dude, what are you watching?
James: Oh, THAT. Hahahahaha. Look at that. I hit the "pause" button, and not the "TV/Video" button, which would have reverted the picture to a manly sporting event, or perhaps a civilized discussion of current affairs!
Matt: That's gay porn!
James: No! I mean, yes, I suppose it technically is, in the sense that it is a depiction of several naked human males graphically engaged in sexual activity. But it's not what you think!
Matt: I think you're watching dudes having sex with other dudes.
James: No! I mean, well, yes, technically speaking. But I'm doing research! Yes! You see, I, um, well, we're going to play the Rangers tomorrow night, right?
Matt: Yes....
James: And I thought I could, you know, taunt Avery, by making a blowjob motion. Yes, that's it. You know, because he's a cocksucker? And, I just wanted to be sure that I was being accurate in my taunting. So, as you can see, this is totally innocent.
Matt: Couldn't you do this "research" by watching straight porn?
James: Oh, no. Absolutely not. I mean, girls suck dicks differently than guys do. I mean, it's a possibility, right? So I had to check it out.
Matt: Dude. Is there something you need to tell me? Because I'm cool. It's 2010. I won't even tell the other guys if you need some time or whatever.
James: What? No. Nonononono. I'm telling you, you've got this all wrong. This was research! It's not like I was, you know, ENJOYING this! Hahahahaha!
Matt: Jim?
James: Yes?
Matt: Do you always do your research with your pants down?
James: ...
