| 15 March 2010
Over the weekend, one of the most intense hockey-related debates in its history broke out over at Deadspin, prompted by one commenter's reaction to Islanders owner Charles Wang's genius theory to expand the playoffs to crappy teams. "Diverguy," a self-proclaimed Canadian, suggested that to spark interest in hockey, the NHL should:
-reduce the number of teams by half,
-reduce the regular season by half,
-reduce the playoff teams by half, and
-reduce the play off series to best of 3 instead of best of 7.
Ah, the old "less is more" theory. Maybe he's on to something.
1) Reduce number of teams by half. We'd have to axe 15 teams; but that would leave only 15, and unbalanced conferences. Let's go with the spirit and not the letter of the suggestion, and only axe 14 teams, leaving a beautiful 16-team league. Who should go? Well, from the West we can handily excise the pathetic Oilers and the league-owned Coyotes. Would anyone miss the Blue Jackets? Doubtful. Likewise the Predators. The Sharks are worthless in the playoffs, and this system is all about the playoffs, so goodbye San Jose. Let's eliminate Calgary and Vancouver, too, to save everybody some travel money. BAM! The West is down to 8 teams.
Now, the East...Islanders. Leafs. Thrashers. Panthers. Senators. Those were easy! Lop off the Devils once Brodeur retires, as they will no longer have any reason to exist. And, it doesn't make any sense whatsoever to have just one team in Canada, so...au revoir, Montreal. And we have our Final 16.
2) Reduce the regular season by half. Forty-one is an odd number of games. No sports league anywhere plays an odd number of games...so lets go with 42. Each team plays two home-and-home series with in-conference teams (28 games). And one home-and-home with out-of conference foes (16 games). OK, I guess that's technically 44 games. Math is not my strong suit. And, since teams won't have to travel to far-flung Canadian destinations, or clear customs, the regular season can be condensed into two months. Since every team will have two No. 1 goalies, this shouldn't be a problem. You could probably expand rosters slightly, too, so that the Yanic Perreaults and Hal Gills of the world get to play once in a while.
3) Reduce the playoff teams by half. Still, you have half the league making the playoffs, but it's a QUALITY HALF.
4) Reduce the playoff series to best of 3 from best of 7. This is another genius move. More randomness! Every bad bounce maximized to ludicrous effect! A single inadvertent high stick could END YOUR SEASON! That's some excitement.
With the lower number of teams, and fewer games per round, the playoffs should take less than a month to play. The entire season will wrap up by the end of December. Which means...MAKE THE WINTER CLASSIC INTO THE ALL-STAR GAME!
Shit, it's still only January 2...nine months without hockey? There seems to be a flaw in this otherwise brilliant plan. Luckily, MYFO has the solution: play another season. Two Stanley Cups a year will not only be more exciting, it will be a financial boon to the oversized ring and engraving industries.
Thank you, Diverguy, whoever you are. Your plan will save the game, even as it eliminates it in your native Canuckistan.
