| 06 July 2010
Bob Probert: Holy shit. What happened? I was on the boat, out in the sun, and now...what's with all these clouds?
Voice: NEXT! Hey, buddy, let's get a move on. There's a long line here.
Probert: What, me? Line for what? What is this?
Voice: Oh, great. Another one who's taken too many blows to the head. This is the afterlife, moron. You're dead.
Probert: Dead? Oh, man. I guess I'm gonna burn, huh?
Voice: Whoa, whoa, whoa. We have procedures here. What makes you think you're burn-worthy?
Probert: Well, I lived a pretty hard life. Drugs. Alcohol. Women.
Voice: Pfffffftttt. I didn't hear "murder" or "dogfighting ring." You should be fine.
Probert: Really? I kind of thought those would be disqualifiers.
Voice: Well, 40 years ago, maybe. But we've had to...I don't want to say 'loosen,' but, uh, 'modernize' our admission standards. Just to keep the population up, you know. A lot of talent got lost "down under" due to what were really just sort of minor procedural violations. Now, only the REALLY big stuff will keep you out. Got anything else we should know about?
Probert: Well...I did use to get paid quite a bit of money to beat people up. For a while, I was hands-down the most feared enforcer out there.
Voice: Hmmm. Organized crime, eh? You don't look Chinese...Russians, or Italians?
Probert: No, no, nothing like that. I was a professional hockey player. I was the guy who picked out the toughest guy on the other team, and then beat his ass.
Voice: Oh, that's different! Sure, we got lots of hockey players in here! They've sort of got their own little enclave, where they can call each other 'Murph' and 'Jonesy' and 'Smitty' and goofy stuff like that. Mostly harmless, although they can get a little boisterous during the playoffs. Who'd you play for?
Probert: Red Wings. And Blackhawks.
Voice: Oh. I'm so sorry.
Probert: What?
Voice: Here's your ticket. You're going to need to stand in line behind those guys all chained together over there. The Black Bus will be along in about 10 minutes.
Probert: What? What'd I do? I thought I was in!
Voice: Turns out you were right the first time: You're gonna burn.
Probert: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
