| 15 December 2009
Hello again everyone. It's your host, Al MacInnis. My nickname during my playing days was Chopper. Very few people know that I earned this nickname during a locker room cooking competition against Lanny McDonald. Don't tickle those veggies with the knife, Lanny--chop 'em up!
Tonight is a very exciting night. The St. Louis Blues host the Calgary Flames, the TWO organizations for whom I plied my twosome trade. The Blues, for whom I am one of TWO vice presidents, will also honor the Hall of Fame induction of Brett Hull in a pregame ceremony. It is only fitting, therefore, that our guest today is none other than...Nicklas Grossman of the Dallas Stars! Welcome, Nicklas.
Nicklas Grossman: Thank you, Al.
Al: So, Nicklas, did you know I played with Brett Hull in TWO cities? It's true, you can look it up. What are your thoughts on Brett.
Nicklas: Obviously, I never played with him. But he was the GM here, sort of, for a while. Seemed like a good guy. Gave me a cigar.
Al: Ah, but was it just a cigar?
Nicklas: I'm sorry?
Al: You know, Freud? He said that sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. So, ergo ad nauseum propter hoc, sometimes it isn't. Which kind did he give you?
Nicklas: I don't know. Just a cigar, I guess. I don't smoke.
Al: Not even those funny jazz cigarettes? Come on, I know you Scandinavians like to get loose and party down! I'm hip to that, kitty cat. It's just you and me here. Do you like to pass the dutchie from the left hand side?
Nicklas: I am not following you again.
Al: Suuuure you aren't. I get it! Wink, wink. I have to say 'wink, wink' out loud, because my eye injury prevents me from actually winking. But you like to keep it on the down low, daddy-o. I understand. I was the same way back in my playing days.
Nicklas: You smoked marijuana? Isn't that kind of dangerous in a high-speed, high-impact, reaction-based sport like hockey?
Al: Of course it is! At least during games. No, I had quite the Canadian snow habit back in the 90s.
Nicklas: Cocaine?! Are you serious?
Al: Who said anything about cocaine? Who do you think I am, Theo Fleury? No, I mean Canadian snow. The white stuff. Flakes. I had it shipped in by refrigerated truck from the small town of Beaverlodge, Alberta. Hand-packed by unemployed local cannery workers. Unbelievably pure stuff. I had a walk-in freezer put in my house in St. Louis so I could keep a year-round supply.
Nicklas: I know what you mean. We have nice snow in Sweden.
Al: Swedish snow is shit, son. Hakan Loob tried to pass some of that crap off on me once. Once. You people must let your reindeer just piss anywhere they want to. But I digress. Tell me, what has been your proudest moment wearing the No. 2 sweater?
Nicklas: Well, I scored my first NHL goal last season. That was pretty special.
Al: But not as special as your second goal, amirite?
Nicklas: No, I think the first one is the one I'll always remember.
Al: Jiminy Crispix. Every other day, I read some article about the vaunted Swedish educational system, but you're dumber than a box of lingenberries. Do you even know what number you wear, or don't they teach you to count that high in renideer piss snow land?
Nicklas: There is no need to be insulting. I wear no. 2. So what?
Al: SO WHAT? That's it. It's on, now. Drop the gloves, lutefisk. I'm going to punch you into the smorgasbord for that blashpemy.
Nicklas: I don't want to fight you.
Al: Oh, a pacifist, eh? Fine, nancy. You're a disgrace. Change your number before I hit you with a slapshot. Ol' Chopper's still got it!
