Greetings and top o’ the mornin’ to ya, puckheads, as well as those of you out there in Internetland that are fans of 1980’s Saturday morning cartoons (I’d like to see that Venn Diagram – talk about a cool bunch of cats). Those of you who have a life may not have realized that this year is the 50th Anniversary of the Smurfs (note: if it was not painfully obvious, I am not one of those fortunate people with “a life”).

In honor of this amazing achievement, we here at MYFO have decided to invite a couple of the little bastards over to our humble little blog and have them handle Making Puck duties today.

So, sit back, paint various parts of your anatomy blue (we won’t judge), have yourself a bowl of Sarsaparilla leaves and the delicious fruit borne from said tree – Smurfberries for you Smurfaphobes – and enjoy.

Wowee-kazowee! That’s not quite the way I remember Smurfette. Wait a sec…

There we go. Much better…in the fact that we don’t have to feel like pervs sort of way. Seriously, who comes up with that stuff? Moving on…

Hello, Ice Smurfy fans! This is Smurfette, and I will be helping out the charming young men at MYFO with their daily recap of last night’s hockey action! But don’t get any ideas – I only have eyes for Smurfs! Hee-hee!

Sure, Alexander Semin looked good, but could he outsmurf Azrael when Gargamel hasn’t fed him dinner? The Capitals beat the Hurricanes 5-1 in a complete ass-smurfing at the RBC Center in Raleigh. Semin smurfed two goals and smurfed in three assists, taking over the NHL smurfing lead in the process. More imsmurfantly, Alexander Ovechkin smurfed himself a good game, adding a goal and two assists. Despite what I said earlier, I would love to smurf Alexander Ovechkin. If I had a chance, I would grab his thing and smurf it all night long until I had a smurfgasm of my own. Tee-hee!

Michal Rozsival and Nikolai Zherdev make as good of a team as Johan & Peewit: Both players smurfed hard and scored during two-smurf advantages during the Rangers four goal second period as New York smurfelled the Devils 5-2. Scott Gomez was smurfed and did not play. Smurfo.

Thank you, Smurfette, for your contributions. We now move on to Papa Smurf, the Patriarch of the Smurf clan and huge fan of the National Hockey League. He’s not a huge fan of Gary Bettman, though. He feels his management style lacks a sense of, as he puts it, smurfiness.

Hello hello, readers of Melt Your Smurf Off! I am so very very grateful for this wonderful opportunity to talk about the NHL! Most of the time I’m simply arranging booty calls for Smurfette, that little strumpet! In fact, the other Smurfs have resorted to calling me Pimpa Smurf! Well, I guess that may be my fault – I created her – I just didn’t think the other Smurfs would be so gosh-darned horny. Oh well, live and smurf, I suppose.

Ilya Bryzgalov reminds me of Handy Smurf by the way he handles his smurfness: The aforesmurftioned Bryzgalov smurfed 31 saves in the Coyotes 5-2 victory over the Blue Jackets. Shane Doan smurfed two goals and an assist in the victory.

Brainy Smurf has nothing on Lindy Ruff: The head coach for the Buffalo made all the right smurfs in the Sabres 4-3 victory over the St. Louis Blues. The Sabres smurfed three goals in the first six minutes and it was over as soon as the game smurfed. Ryan Miller, as stout as Hefty Smurf, smurfed 30 shots. Ah, to be a young Smurf again!

I don’t know what “schtroumpfiade” means, but for Christ’s sake, I hope it has nothing to do with a Smurf’s scrotum. It sounds like it though, doesn’t it?

PUCKDUMPS

•  Kevin Schultz of Barry Melrose Rocks, that crazy sumbitch that he is, has created a Blogger Bingo Board. Follow through to find out the details, but I just want to ask: why doesn’t making sexual inferences about beloved cartoon characters have a spot on the board? Man, we would have so kicked ass.

•  For the love of God! For all that is holy and true and pure, write in Tim Thomas on your NHL All-Star Game ballot!! For God’s sake! Can we stop this cruel game, lest the Bruins bloggers revolt. We don’t want that now, do we? The Herlihy Boy would most certainly approve of your pledge. “Vote for Tim Thomas. Please. C’mon, please? It would be so great. Just say yes to voting for Tim Thomas, please?”

•  Hey….check out Jibblescribbits and their fancy new digs! Lookin’ good!

•  Check out this Phoenix Coyotes commerical. All the participants in this ad made an all-too-common mistake for actors: don’t work with puppets…or hockey players:

And finally, please enjoy the Smurfs’ Adventures intro. Be good and don’t smurf your smurftalia too often! It can make you blind, you know.