As already reported nearly everywhere around these here internets (note: you should definitely read Better Homes & Gardens Online’s take on it), Alexander Ovechkin signed the biggest contract in NHL history Thursday, a 13 year, $124 million contract that will keep him with the Washington Capitals more than likely for the rest of his career. There has been rampant speculation as to how this was all going to shake out, but it nevertheless should be viewed as a prudent business move on owner Ted Leonsis’ part, as the Capitals are struggling along this season and perhaps the signing of their only star player to what amounts to a lifetime contract will spark renewed interest in the team.

Blah blah fucking blah. We here at MYFO aren’t about contract analysis, savvy business moves and the like. We like to take a look at stories such as this from different angles than what would be considered conventional. After the jump, let’s take an inside look at this young superstar, via his likes and dislikes.

Ovechkin’s Likes:

• Fire
• Mastadon meat
• Crude tools made out of wood and stone
• Cave painting
• Animal pelts
• How the ice at the arena reminds him of the “old days”
• The comic strip “B.C.”
• Ritual cannibalism
• Women with shapely Occipital Buns
• The Bering Land Bridge

Ovechkin’s Dislikes:

• Saber-tooth Cats
• Glaciers
• The Homo Erectus species
• The ad wizards at Geico
• Hockey Jesus
• Crevasses
• Cavemen series on ABC
• MYFO’s choice to nickname him “The Missing Rink”
• Running out of food
• The Theory of Evolution and that cock knocker Charles Darwin