Ovie: YEEEEEEEHAAAAAAWWW!!!!! Ride-em Horsiepowers!

Raskolnikov: Herk …

Ovie: OH SHUSH. No barfbarf. We haz to meet our friends. No runningz late for this date!

AHHHH!! Sitee of brods and sholders!

Raskolnikov: And still ground. BAAAAAAAAAAARRRRFFF!!!!

Ovie: You eatz too much toast ted raveeeoliii. Friends around corner.

Raskolnikov: Oyyyy. You still haven’t told me who these “friends” are. Who could possibly know both of us?

Read more »

July 1st. It’s Canada Day, and it’s the day Free Agents can start signing with new teams. After the jump we’ll post whatever big signings or rumors we can find. Feel free to join in in the comments.

Read more »

The Flyers have finally found the missing ingredient that will put them over the top, making them a complete team and get them in the NHL record books.

I’m talking, of course, of the trade for Chris Pronger. Will he make them Stanley Cup contenders? Maybe. But he will definitely make them the favorites for Colin Campbell’s No. 1 speed dial.

Read more »

Raskolnikov: // opens LOT 2

“If Granny knows how to suck eggs, and eggs are what dinosaurs liked to eat, does it follow that Granny knows how to suck what dinosaurs liked to eat?” If she knows that dinosaurs were homosexuals, then yes, Granny does love to slurp that prehistoric penis. Guhhhhh, why do philosophers try to be funny?

50 more pages of this old-timey cockamamie drivel? Fuck that. What news have I missed in the past two weeks?

// scans hockey headlines

I’ve missed Tippett’s firing, Avery at Bonnaroo, the next Winter Classic, the Sutter Brothers reuniting, Crosby sleeping with a silver slut, and the Draft coverage, just to name a few important news items. Social Services should’ve taken my blog away from me ten days ago. Maybe they’re punishing themselves for being lax.

Goddamnit. Time to write another belated apology to the other three editors …

KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!

What does my roommate want now? The rent’s paid, the dishes are done, and that cumstain on the floor isn’t mine …

Read more »

The NHL Draft isn’t like the ones held by the NBA or the NFL.  Work up whatever fervor you like; 98.9 percent of the the teens and foreigners awkwardly pronounced behind a podium won’t be making an impact on your favorite team this season.  But hey, some people like to celebrate this sort of stuff, and many NHL teams want to help.  So join MYFO in our rundown of all the league’s DRAFT PARTIES.  Just don’t blame us when the prick in the back makes the jukebox blare Journey right when your team is about to pick. Today, the Western Conference.

Should any Draft Party feature Ice Girls, I’ll be sure to gratuitously include a photo for your consideration.

Note: The Eastern Conference smokes the Western Conference at Draft Parties.

Read more »

The NHL Draft isn’t like the ones held by the NBA or the NFL.  Work up whatever fervor you like; 98.9 percent of the the teens and foreigners awkwardly pronounced behind a podium won’t be making an impact on your favorite team this season.  But hey, some people like to celebrate this sort of stuff, and many NHL teams want to help.  So join MYFO in our rundown of all the league’s DRAFT PARTIES.  Just don’t blame us when the prick in the back makes the jukebox blare Journey right when your team is about to pick. Today, the Western Conference.

Should any Draft Party feature Ice Girls, I’ll be sure to gratuitously include a photo for your consideration. Read more »

I’ve done my best to not write this article. I really have. I don’t like to rip apart the team I’ve supported since they began playing in a hot “arena” that held 9,000 people and little air conditioning, so bad a times games were called because the ice had melted.

But now, I can’t hold back anymore. I may as well come out and say it:

The Tampa Bay Lightning are a bunch of emo pussies with daddy issues.

Read more »

Darryl Sutter: Come on in, have a seat. You have any trouble finding a place to park?

Brent Sutter: No, I just parked in the space with the “Reserved for Head Coach” sign, just like you said.

Darryl: I just want to let you know up front, we’ve received a lot of applications, from many highly qualified candidates. Read more »

Weed ran away to his Sportress. Now, Rask says he has “more important things to do.” (We’re not sure exactly what; he kept muttering about “nerve gas” and “Bettman” and “this time, I can’t possibly fail.”) MYFO as you knew and loved it is no more.

But that’s OK–like Barack Obama, we’ve always been all about Change (anyone remember Baba Oje? Ordinary Seaman? That one guy from Detroit whose name I don’t remember?). Change, and health care reform. So we’ll survive.

But we’re looking for new talent. So, in the fine tradition of the “Cum Stained Casting Couch” video series, we’re holding auditions for new editors over the next couple of weeks. What, besides zero self-respect and the ability to be fisted by RD’s finely manicured hand, are we looking for?

Read more »

Based on ESPN’s early morning coverage yesterday, you would think that the man pictured above is the Brett considering taking snaps for the Vikings this year.  Yes, it is true that Brett Hull has been accepted in the latest incoming class of the Hockey Hall of Fame.  And for some reason, this got more press on TWWL than, I don’t know, the Carolina Hurricanes’ playoff run.  But with this class of four, this shouldn’t earn any “BREAKING” graphic whatsoever.  But you know what would be worthy of cutting in over a Cincinnati Reds box score?

The Golden Brett declaring his Hall of Fame allegience to the troubled Phoenix Coyotes.  Do it for Gary, Brett.

Read more »